Coming up to lunchtime on a Friday afternoon, which for a lot of people is the start of the weekend. I joined the anxious-to-get-home workers in HSBC and stood in the small queue, ready to pay in a cheque.
Although only two people ahead of me, it was a slow moving affair as those already at the counter were doing their end of week banking.
Either that or they were both going through the complicated process of purchasing endangered orangutans which are on sale this month.
A few minutes passed and the queue quickly grew, but with only one person ahead of me I was quietly confident that HSBC would not run out of orangutans by the time I got to the front.
It was at this point that the fellow who works at the welcoming desk, I suppose the concierge, approached the queue and asked if anyone was waiting to make a deposit.
Of course we were. We all were. But we all knew full well that he wanted to take us over to the machines. From past experience, there was no chance that I would be depositing my cheque into a machine. I’ve opened the slot before and found an envelope already sitting there, full of somebody else’s cash. Once in Falmouth I had a cheque disappear for two weeks and was told that there was no evidence of it anywhere, despite my receipt proving the contrary.
I stood my ground and waited in the queue, along with everyone else. However after a second attempt the concierge managed to pick off the weakest member of the queue, the lady at the very back.
A couple more minutes later and I deposited my cheque and was almost finished with the day’s banking. I just needed to see someone about getting a new card. Someone who was now stood in a queue for the Deposits machine, waiting to show the lady how to bank a cheque.
That’s him in the white shirt. Making mundane comments about the marvels of modern technology. The lady next to him made appropriate noises to show that she was impressed. But she clearly wasn’t. And neither was I. I had to wait several minutes until the pair were finished and thus created another queue in the middle of the bank. Quickly joined by two others, we all did our very best not to get in the way.
January 31, 2007 at 10:02 am
Congratulations, William Deed!
You managed to move immediately from one Queue to another, both of which were in the same small(ish) area.
I’m intereted to know whether you managed to get an orang-utan? And did each orangutan come with its own green balloon?
Banks are so diversified nowadays.
January 31, 2007 at 11:21 am
Can orangutans be trained to queue for you?
January 31, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Now there’s a thought, Sam Tana – but why would anyone wish to give up Queuing? How could an orangutan appreciate its many subleties?
January 31, 2007 at 4:32 pm
It would be nice to have some backup for emergencies – sickness, running late etc. I might start a rent-an-orangutan service…
January 31, 2007 at 5:25 pm
Yes, Sam Tana, you are right.
But I hope that your orangutans would be trained (as far as possible) in Queuing etiquette.
January 31, 2007 at 5:56 pm
And the orangutan in the white shirt? What happened to him?
January 31, 2007 at 7:05 pm
Isn’t he more like a gorilla?
February 1, 2007 at 11:35 am
Ha, it’s all going primate crazy! I bet he wishes he was a chimp or a baboa ’cause they are more evolved then a gorilla, or is he a gorilla? Mr Standinaqueue how was your trip to London Zoo?
February 1, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Baboa? I am baffled, Sarah Deed.
Did you mean Bonobo? Or perhaps you have defined a new species: tell us more!
February 1, 2007 at 2:50 pm
Knowing my sister, she has probably indeed defined a new species.
The trip to London Zoo was a bit of an eye opener. The gorillas seemed to be terribly strong and, I must admit, I am a little concerned about frolicking with them in the wild.
Getting a visa was not a success. I could tell be the lack of Here to Help badge that it was not going to be easy and, after a couple of phone calls, it seems that I will now be getting the visa when crossing the border.
Oh, and for the record, I doubt gorillas have the patience to stand in a queue, but fingers crossed that this orangutan I have here will soon be able to learn our social custom.
February 2, 2007 at 10:57 am
I imagine Sarah Deed may be thinking of Rocky Balboa, who was a bit of an ape.
February 2, 2007 at 12:14 pm
Indeed Baboa is a new species. They are relatives of the Bonobos who evolved 2 million years ago and the Baboa evolved 1.2 million years ago. They can be spotted in eastern Queensland Australia, and the equatorial Africa of Cameroon to the Democratic Republic of the Congo. However they are hard to spot. They are characterised by there feather boas and dry martinis. Sam Tana is correct, Sly Stallone has indeed been able to communicate to the Baboa with his gruff one liners.
You wouldn’t think it would be that hard to get a visa to the Congo?
February 2, 2007 at 12:25 pm
Thank you, Sarah Deed, for sharing with us your zoological expertise.
On the difficulty of getting a visa for the Congo, perhaps the Baboas – afraid of competition for their dry martinis – are blocking the application?
February 2, 2007 at 1:01 pm
Including past experience, it would seem that getting a visa for a sub-saharan African country is about as easy as getting a bag of smack in Waitrose.
The lady in the Embassy refused to give me exact details of what I needed as she had already told the gentleman before me, and so she insisted that I go and ask him.
Daivd Brand, it is indeed the Baboas who have created a guerilla force on the Ugandan border, and who I will have to bribe to get this visa.
The primates have become far too pesky.
February 2, 2007 at 7:57 pm
Sarah Deed, you were the first scientist to describ this new species, and I think that it is only fair to honour you by gving the Baboa the formal name of Pan sarahdeediensis.
February 5, 2007 at 12:10 pm
Baboa’s drink dry martinis? I thought the prefered drink of all creatures in the Congo was the tropical fruit juice Um Bongo.
February 5, 2007 at 7:28 pm
To be perfectly honest Sam Tana, this is the only reason I’m going.
The offer of drinking Um Bongo 24/7 in its preferred setting was one I could not refuse.
February 6, 2007 at 5:41 pm
Just read your comment on my blog … Excuse Me?
Yer goin where?
The Congo!!!
Whit for?
No, but seriously!
Um Bongo Um Bongo dey drink it in da Congo … when I was a kid, my big brother convinced me that the famous TV cook of the era, Rusty Lee, made all the juice herself in a big factory hidden under the GMTV studios … even worse – Roland Rat would relieve himself in random cartons before they were shipped out.
Now THAT is a conspiracy theory!
I believed him too.
Never touched a drop.
February 6, 2007 at 6:27 pm
Will you queue before you go?
Will you queue when you get there?
Will you pretend to queue if you can’t find one?
Queue, queue, queue.
February 7, 2007 at 9:27 pm
In the news today: in preparation for the Olympics, the Beijing authorities are asking people to queue up “properly” on the 11th day of each month. This sounds like a great opportunity for some photos if the Congo no longer appeals.
February 8, 2007 at 9:22 pm
Yes, I’m off to the Congo. Will post this weekend to give more details as I have not a minute free at the moment.
‘Ello Gorgeous. The Beijing news items has indeed piqued my interest, and if it wasn’t for this Congo thing and the suffocating pollution in Beijing, I would be there like a rat up a drainpipe.
February 8, 2007 at 9:48 pm
On balance, going to the Congo may be less mind-twisting than Beijing, but the queuing randomness would be magnificent. Wonder what is the difference between queuing for the same item on both the 11th and the 12th of the month?
I had an enlightening experience of queuing in Leh airport in Ladahk after some summer storms a few years ago. The mental scars are only just fading, any form of Asian queue (similar to Asian Flu in severity) is a bit of a shock for the uber-polite queue rule observer.