There was a time when Marks and Spencers was a bastion of British Society. In the early 90s, when supermarkets were trying to steal customers away from town centres, you could always rely on good old Marks and Sparks to still be there on the local High Street.
You would be welcomed into the shop with a quick blast of warm air from above, and then on into the inner sanctum of ladies underwear and worn carpets, which would be your home for at least the next two hours.
Not anymore. This recent media dahling has become nothing but a corporate monster hidden behind a matt black facade. With a chain of glorified service stations under its belt, M&S (RIP Marks & Sparks) has become a brutally efficient machine churning out profits of millions by the nano-second.
The amount of fruit juices for sale was astounding, but I chose a simple orange juice and a banana, and then it was off to find the queue.
Much to my dismay however, M&S had managed to build a barrier of Berlin wall proportions between where I stood and the end of the queue.
After negotiating my way through the maze of cold fridges, I was pleased to see that I did not have to walk along the entire length of the proposed queuing area as some good egg had made it possible to pass along the top.
And so I was able to take my place at the back of a very long queue.
There were so many sweet snacky things along the queue’s edge that I started to feel a little nauseated. So instead I kept my attention on the woman in front’s dandruff and by using this method I managed to make it to the end of the queue.
As you can see in the above picture, from the ceiling hung a machine which visually and verbally informed you of which till was available for your use.
If I remember correctly, I was directed to till four.
November 22, 2006 at 3:37 pm
A similar things has happened to my local Boots. Where once there were many supermarket-style tills, all with haphazard individual queues and the ability to judge from fellow shoppers’ baskets which was likely to move most quickly (it was a skill game challenge), now there’s just one switchback queueing zone and a bank of tills. You are directed to the next available till with the cheery-yet-authoritarian artifical voice – “Till Number Four, please!” It’s always till number four.
November 22, 2006 at 5:10 pm
There is a Billy Connolly sketch about queuing at the post office and queue jumping being replaced by the ‘one-queue’. Most amusing.
November 22, 2006 at 6:16 pm
The ‘impulse’ purchases always provide me with enough interest to make queuing a piece of pie. Sometimes a queue isn’t long enough to appreciate them all.
In a Sheffield Boots I remember three queue products: hello magazine, paracetamol and Imodium. The person who quickly decides they need all three of these whilst queueing for their meal deal must be in for a real treat.
I would like to see lainey’s sketch. Why don’t you ever tell any queue jokes.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because the Greggs on his side of the road had a really big queue. Cooplands looked much quieter thus saving him some time whilst on his lunch break.
November 22, 2006 at 6:28 pm
Sam Tana, the sinister menacing tones of the automated queue master chill me to my very core.
Not satisfied with the monoply it has had for the last decade over Post Offices up and down the country, he/she (it’s always the same voice but just in a different key) is looking to conquer both Boots and M&S.
When oh when did queuing become so impersonal?
November 22, 2006 at 6:51 pm
Lainey, I’ve had a look on youtube for the Connolly sketch but alas.
I don’t suppose you have a copy and the technological know-how to post it up?
Leila has also shown us a very funny Eddie Izzard sketch which I’m going to get Gary Wood to put on youtube.
And then Gary Wood, as you know how terrible I myself am at telling jokes, you’ll have some queue jokes.
November 22, 2006 at 6:56 pm
I will oblige
August 5, 2007 at 6:17 pm
[...] course, we Brits are used to this type of queue in our capital, and also in the larger towns, however what interests me most about this article is [...]
February 27, 2008 at 9:25 am
My wife and I are coming to M & S Covent Garden on 30/02/08
Do you have a shop and collect later service, as we would like to look around Covent Garden without the hassle of carrying heavy shopping bags?
February 28, 2008 at 6:48 am
My dear Barry
The best thing to do is to have a look around Covent Garden, and then do your shopping.